"Our Fish Are Family!" (Part I of II)

THE WAR BETWEEN THE LAND AND THE SEA (2025)

This DOCTOR WHO spin-off has totally re-designed Sea Devils. A crushing disappointment, it achieves the difficult balancing act of unintentional hilarity, numbing boredom and badly timed fish jokes.

PENNED by Russell T. Davies and Pete McTighe, THE WAR BETWEEN THE LAND AND THE SEA is a five-part DOCTOR WHO companion piece that completed the BBC and Disney contractual obligation. What was built-up as a more adult series is quickly replaced by the usual Kinder-garden-level lecturing and amateur performances. Barclay Pierre-Dupont (Russell Tovey) is a low-level UNIT Transportation Clerk, estranged from partner Barbara (Ann Akinjirin) and non-binary teenage child Kirby (Cat Gannon). However, due to an HR error (!), Barclay becomes part of a UNIT task-force to engage with "Homo Aqua," a sea species led by Salt (Gugu Mbatha-Raw). Understandably, they are furious about the contamination humanity has caused to the oceans, and choose Barclay as their contact in peace talks, as he was the only person to show respect with a deceased Sea Devil.

Within minutes of the first episode airing on BBC1, viewers were complaining of major audio issues, some even relying on subtitles to follow the story (fan forums also quickly renamed the unwieldy title TWATBLAST). The programme falls into the same political trap as Davies' second WHO show-running tenure, critiques that are mere broad strokes. Pierre-Dupont is a metaphor for modern entertainment, that is, a tide of mistaken hiring, and the shoehorned diversity here is illustrated in a now twin UNIT wheelchair attack of Bingham (Ruth Madeley) and Chesney (tetraplegic George Robinson). And in a love story nobody is interested in, we get more air time between UNIT commander-in-chief Kate Lethbridge-Stewart (Jemma Redgrave) and toy boy Colonel Ibrahim (Alexander Devrient); thankfully Ibrahim is shot dead by an equivalent of the JFK magic bullet. 

It is no surprise that Russell T. Davies writes plenty of sweating, shower and topless scenes for Gay icon Russell Tovey.

There certainly is no war in the exciting, battle-sense, nor much screen time for the sea creatures themselves. What we do get is blanket posturing about ineffectual and corrupt power structures, with the Davies-written final episode as batshit crazy as his recent WHO finales. The laborious threads that had been woven are now adrenalised into a finishing line of signal disruptors, ancient unity and an engineered virus so clever it can only affect nine out of every ten Sea Devils. Yearning for a new life with Salt, Barclay abandons humanity and develops gills, swimming away with her after an underwater ballet that reminds of the interplay between Julia Adams and THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON.

It's a catalogue of moments, and these are not reinforced. For example, when all the pollutants from the sea are hurled back at us - including what's left of the Titanic - all subsequent scenes do not show any rubbish on the streets. Much simpler settings are also fumbled, such as the UNIT contamination chamber, which isn't even contained. The only way TWATBLAST can make any sense whatsoever is that it all exists in the fragmenting mind of Kate Lethbridge-Stewart. In a typically bizarre coda, she asks a jogger on a beach to pick up a discarded bottle. When the man refuses - somehow oblivious to the events of the series - Kate pulls a gun on him and insists he picks up his rubbish, becoming increasingly unhinged.